7/25/13 – Happy Anniversary to ME J
Two years ago 7/25/11- I became a survivor. I didn't know it yet but I was finally
able to have my surgery, after having to put it off due to my low blood
count. The lumpectomy was done. Some lymph nodes were taken(quite a mess) and
the outcome was simply a blessing. Cancer Free!!
My doctors, along with myself and many others were amazed,
grateful and so appreciated the fight that had gotten me to where I am today!!
Yes, it’s been 2 years and I feel great at that
accomplishment alone, but I still have moments of weakness. I mean, I had
cancer – who wouldn’t feel terrified at tweaks and twinges every so often?? I
think most of my frustration is the lasting effect of “chemo brain” Yup, I’m
forgetful, spacey and sometimes I feel just down right stupid. Not that I wasn’t
this way before but at least now it’s frustrating to me too. I forget the
purpose of a conversation and feel like an idiot when I jump from subject to
subject without finishing my thoughts or allowing the other person to finish
theirs. I think this is common but I feel like there’s an attention issue, I
lack it!!
I guess this will either improve or we will all just have to
get used to it J
I have had my check ups and they all seem fine, I panic
before I go because I look for trouble, this still hurts, this feels weird, why
can’t I feel this?? Yeah, I’m sure the doctors hear it all the time – IT’S
NORMAL – well, not for me!
My life, well it’s gotten back to “normal” for the most
part. I feel good, tired and pretty much like a regular person again. I have
hair, which I have colored even though I was told not to. I guess there’s a
little rebel inside that just can’t seem to follow all the directions!! I have
my share of drinks now and again. And
everyone around me seems to think I’m ok – so I guess that’s good.
Speaking of those people around me, the ones who seem to
think that I am back with my Super Mom cape on, those are the same people who
made me fight the way I did. Greg seems to think, as he has told me many times,
I am one of the strongest people he has ever met. This, coming from a man who
has seen way too many people in his life suffer from cancer, this is a
compliment I will always treasure! Thanks baby!!
Greg, my children, my family and friends, these are the
people I fought for. The ones who stood by me through all this mess, the ones
who made such a difference in my life and the ones who I would never forgive myself
if I left them too early. From the moment they entered my life, re-entered it
or just stopped by during this time, I appreciate every last one of you.
I am now trying to work on me in the physical aspect. My
overall health is good, so now I hope to concentrate on the inner me and the
“what you see” me.
I went through a lot – there was a while where I felt
unattractive (and still do at times) and a true mess. I felt like garbage so
therefore (in my head) I looked like it too. Now, I work on bringing that sad
little cancer patient back to a place where there are less insecurities and
more confidence! I hope to be a better, more cheery person all around. I have
given others a ton of stress because of the way I feel about me and it’s not
fair, so therefore, I am working on this, not just for me but for those around
me!
I can’t promise to be as giddy and stupid as a much younger
me but I will certainly try to find the fun in situations and handle myself
differently,
MY ROSE COLORED GLASSES ARE MAKING A COME BACK
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